Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bell Road and Blue Lights

I know we all have that one road where we always warn our friends, that “they always have speed traps on this road” And when we stop and think about what we just said, we realize that we really can’t remember the last time we saw a “speed Trap” on this road. The thing is, one day we are driving merrily on our way, to a happy place, when all of a sudden, from a side road, a police car pulls out behind us, with Bright Blue Lights flashing like aliens from another world, Then the siren blaring, as if announcing to the whole world what a horrible person I must be. Isn’t it embarrassing sitting there, police car, triumphant in his kill, lights still flashing, it’s a wonder they don’t leave the siren on as well. You just know, somebody is going to drive by that knows you, so you duck down real low as the officer writes that little piece of paper that will ruin the rest of your life… Happy Place, you can forget about any happy place today, you have been pulled over and are getting a ticket.

So there you are doing the “Gonna Get A Ticket” prep talk to yourself. Rehearsing your defense, and response to the officer when he finally walks to your window. I know your thoughts during this time, first it’s the innocent act practiced: “Good Morning Officer, Was I doing something wrong?” Then the Tough Guy act: “With all the criminals in this town, robbing banks and killing people, why are you wasting your time on a simple traffic stop like me?” And then finally, the Oh dear me act: “ If I get a ticket, I will lose my job, my home, my wife and the dog” Then he approaches, and with a firm voice, says, “License and registration, and keep your hands on the wheel”. And for some unknown reason, we all become babbling idiots.

Now back to my point, the whole experience is so traumatic that we will always remember that place in the highway kingdom, as the one place the police are always there. But I have found a place in the “Highway Kingdom” where they really are there all the time. And no, I have never got a ticket there. I remember and warn, because it is true. That place is Bell Road. I know, even when I say the name, Nashvillians all over the globe trembles a little. Yes it is true, they are there all the time, I have even come to recognize the officers that are there all the time, and where they set up shop. So, I had to think on this a bit, and came to two conclusions that the police would make one spot a regular place, when all over this great country, in the Highway Kingdom it is not normal to have one specific place or road that is consistently patrolled. The first of these conclusions is, that Bell Road must have a large amount of accidents, fatalities, and/or people endangered by speeding motorist. But I am confident that none of these things are true, leaving the only consistent thing being the speed trap. So my second theory is the “Fish are biting” theory. What I mean is, the speed limit is way too slow for this stretch of highway, that is the only connector between two places, and used by almost everybody in the world. So I figure, if the speed limit is way too slow, that even the best of us drivers that want to obey the law will speed when trying to drive at a speed that feels right for the road. So, the mentality is, if I am already speeding a little, I might as well go all the way, making just about everybody in the world speed on this street. I know, you can attest that it is not everybody, because of the one hundred cars in front of you, there is always that one car driving five miles under the speed limit. I do have an answer, and this is serious, so if you are someone who knows that mysterious person or department that cares about these things, and has the ability to make change, please share this little bit of wisdom with them. Raise the speed limit fime miles an hour faster, that’s all, I am confident that all the normal people that are only speeding because they are already adding the five mph will be satisfied with the change, and no longer speed. Now, I am not talking about Mr Tailgater, or Mr hand out the window exhibiting his longest finger to the world in front of him, they will always speed, and will always be mad, but for the rest of us, we will no longer be the fish in the Police Departments recreation of giving tickets, and bell road will once again, be a normal place, a safe place, a road to that Happy Place we all long for!

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